How many of you are currently nursing an eggnog hangover ? I see a few hands. How many of you are in various states of turkey coma? Few more hands on that one.
Now not all of you raised your hands which leads me to believe the rest of you are needing bail money. Did you get tossed in the clink for choking dear Aunt Edna, who mentioned one too many times that you’d never find a man if you didn't lose some weight? Yeah, I know. It's okay. Don’t worry, your mother is on her way with the cheque book.
While we wait for you to be sprung from the joint, I thought I’d impart my wisdom on how to avoid causing serious bodily injury to the family driving you completely insane during the holidays.
Television.
That's right, ignore the extended family and take solace in the boob tube. Don't know what to watch? Here's a short list of the favorites I watch every year.
#5 Futurama: Xmas Story Episode
What happens one-thousand years in the future to the holiday season? Pine trees are extinct and Santa is a robot with a programming error, causing him to judge everyone to be naughty.
Oh yeah, and then he tries to kill you.
A little dark? Sure.
Funny? You betcha!
#4 Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
It’s a classic and brings back so many fond memories of my childhood. Yes, it’s a little dated as far as the animation is concerned but for nostalgia's sake, I look past that.
Besides, Burl Ives as Sam the Snowman? That man’s voice defined Christmas for me as a kid.
#3 The Santa Clause
I love this movie. Yes, it’s a little sappy and the following sequels were atrocious,
but that doesn't stop me from watching it every Christmas Eve.
#2 National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
The lovable yet bumbling Clark Griswald does it up Christmas style.
Need I say more?
#1 Scrooged
My absolute all time favorite holiday movie.
I've seen this film probably half a million times since its release in 1988.
Wow, it just occurred to me, this year marks the 25th anniversary.
In my opinion, it still holds up today, and not just as one of the funniest holiday tales put to celluloid, but as one of the funniest movies period. Bill Murray is brilliant.
Bobcat Goldthwait as the disgruntled employee,
Buster Poindexter as the Ghost of Christmas Past, and Carol Kane as the Ghost of Christmas Present?
Pure comedy gold!
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I know a lot of you are asking "Where's A Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story?" Sorry, not on my list. Yes, I realize they're classics, but neither do it for me. I know, I know. You can send all the hate mail to my email address when you're done reading this.
Nicki Scalise lives in Colorado with her husband. They share their home with four dogs and a chinchilla. Although featured in a few anthologies, Prayer for the Dead is her first novel.
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